Those feelings that force me hate myself and others around me. The feelings that make me think and believe stupid thoughts. I have had them many times before. It is so unreal how much I hate these feelings... How much I hate to feel this way. I have always been able to stop myself from ending it, although my intentions are stronge... I think thats the only reason they don't consider me completely insane. Its days like Today that make it all seem worse. Days where no one is around. Extra time is not something I like to have a lot of... I feel lost or isolated. Maybe both. Mostly scared and empty. They say its kids that have a rough past that feel this way. I guess I have had a pretty hard life but I know of people who have had it much worse. I shouldn't feel this way, shouldn't have these thoughts, and shouldn't be the one who should seek for "professional help." If "help" me is what they are wanting to do... All they are doing is wasting precious time on someone who doesn't need it. Someone who doesn't deserve it. Besides they tell me that I need help and that they are there for me. And all I think is that I don't NEED help and that I refuse to accept their pity. I wish I could just forget my whole childhood. Considering I never had much of one because it was practically stolen from me. I have always had to be the one to act more responsible and more mature than my age. They half expect it. I feel as if my whole life has been taken advantage of and that everyone who had decided to step into it never really cared. I'm just an accessory to everyones weird lives. I don't nessissarily have a set purpose... I'm just here.